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Ierne: The Raid

A new vignette from Ierne:

From Thúr Rí they sailed, ten black small ships each carrying three soldiers. Three giant soldiers. Three giant Fomori soldiers.

The ships moved independently, pulled by some dark magic over the rough seas on their approach to mainland Ierne. On each mutated hand, each demon held a wicked blade as sharp as hatred, a blade that could tear a horse in half, a bull in quarters, a man in shreds. With these cruel instruments they tore into the sleeping seaside village, wasting no time to unleash death. Into thatched roofs they stabbed, through lime-covered walls they broke, spilling warm blood from warm bodies onto cold earth. Stomping over the village, towering over the sluggish defenders, they slashed at the small and slow targets as if they were little more than chickens in a pen come dinnertime. For dinnertime had arrived.

When it was all over, twenty-nine Fomori dined on the crudely-cooked corpses of sixty-four men, women and children. Sated, they capped the feast with the one fallen giant, fuel for more chaotic mutations, its strength absorbed into the rest.

On their own one or two feet, or in the bellies of the others, all thirty Fomori would reach the walls of Dún nan Gall and recover the stolen eye.

So did Balor command. So it would be done.

What I want to do with this is becoming clearer in my head. I still need to figure out some Aspects of the whole, see how they fit within the greater Fate of Ierne, but maybe in a couple of weeks I’ll be able to tell you something more concrete.

Photo CC Licensed by Liam Moloney.

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Categories: Writing Tags: , , ,
  1. JJ
    January 20, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    I really enjoyed the description of the carnage without all the gory detail. You have a very nice economy of phrasing. Edge-of-seat fun.

  2. Mick Bradley
    January 20, 2010 at 7:14 PM

    Good work, JJ! That’s a very apt comment – “economy-of-phrasing.”

    Keep it up, Daniel.

  3. January 21, 2010 at 8:38 AM

    @JJ , @Mick Bradley
    Thanks so much, guys. I really appreciate you take the time to give me feedback. It’s been a long time since I wrote fiction and I’m fighting my own insecurities with each scene.

    Your comment, JJ, makes me blush. If I could talk specifically about the technical aspect of the writing without sounding pretentious:

    With these Ierne vignettes I’m going for a very specific tone, kind of emulating the way the old stories are written down. There’s a sparseness of prose coupled with a richness of color that truly gives them their personality. That’s what I’m shooting for. That and trying to emulate a narrated form in text. The repetition right in the first paragraph may be weird in a purely-written form, but it would be an excellent technique in an oral delivery. I guess in the end I’m going for a transcribed-from-the-narrated-version form.

    Thanks for making me think about this.

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